Moms, let me share something with you. In order to be a great mother you MUST nourish yourself. Once you do this, you will have the energy, enthusiasm and patience to be that great mom you truly want to be. This may seem contradictory to what your brain is telling you – isn’t it child first, then you? No.

You know you want it. Deep down you remember laughing with your girlfriends in a living room that wasn’t overrun with toys or children. You remember going for a coffee with a friend after work and chatting about life and the new lipstick you discovered. You remember lying on your bed on a sunny afternoon and reading a romantic novel, and you remember feeling sexy and womanly. You want it, but you think that if you take time for yourself it means time away from your kids, and that would possibly make your kids feel like you don’t love them as much as you say you do.

It’s this guilt that is stopping mothers from truly living their authentic life. Yes, giving birth is one of the most life-changing experiences in the world. We finally know and understand what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. We also feel a deeper connection to the world and all it encompasses because we now have a child. However, a child should be an enhancement to our lives, not the end all and be all.

We are still Janice, or Sandra, or Beth. That hasn’t changed. We still love doing the same things and reading the same things and listening to the same things as we used to. After having children, however, we tend to become so engrossed in their lives that we forget our own. The funny part is that our children were given to us for a reason. It is our individual likes, hobbies, and interests that brought our children to us specifically. Our children’s lives were meant to be influenced by us in particular.

We mothers actually have a responsibility to show our children how we play, what we enjoy, and how we take care of ourselves. Children need to know this! Where else are our children going to learn how to love themselves? Where else are they going to learn how to value themselves? Where else are they going to learn how to go after their dreams?

Show your children how to live a balanced life because they won’t learn it from anyone else but you. A balanced life brings happiness and every mother I’ve ever talked to has said she wants her child to be happy, so doesn’t it make sense to show your child how to be happy instead of just talk about it?

Close your eyes, sit alone in a quiet room, and think about all the things you used to do that you would love to do again. Don’t limit yourself; let the thoughts flow. Then, once you have a clear picture, write down 5-10 things that you love doing and that you want to start doing again. Then, get a calendar and start scheduling in activities that will fulfill your wishes.

Being a fulfilled, happy person is one of the BEST and BIGGEST gifts you will ever give your child. So, stop the guilt, stop the martyrdom – if you TRULY want to be the best mother you possibly can, then the first step is to start taking care of yourself.

Spring reminds us of renewal and new life; perhaps even a fresh start. People find that this time of year brings them more energy, enthusiasm and motivation to throw away the old, unused, or meaningless and bring in the new and beneficial. When we look at families, the same thought process can apply. The following quotes are from parents who realized they had formed unhelpful habits and needed to start fresh again.

1. “Forgetting to schedule regular time for myself everyday – even if it’s just 10 minutes”

2. “Forgetting to begin dinner at 5:00pm so that dinner is ready by 6:00pm. Starting later just isn’t working!”

3. “Forgetting to schedule in a proper date night with my husband. It seems to come last on the priority list, but I miss it.”

4. “Forgetting to be consistent with the 4 Tricks. I’ve been mixing mine and yours again. Oops!”

5. “Forgetting to shave my legs regularly. I promised myself I would keep up with this and haven’t. I feel better about myself when I do, so I must start again.”

6. “I have forgotten to state the first Trick you gave me in a matter of fact tone – it’s getting a little wishy-washy again.”

7. “I’ve been allowing my daughter to get away with, “Okay, I won’t do it again” so that I won’t apply the consequence.”

8. “We thought we had a flow going with our family activities, but have noticed that we don’t have as much fun time lately. We are going to start using the strategy you taught us again. Thanks!”

9. “I’ve seen my girlfriends a lot but it’s always with the children, so I must focus on planning children-free time with them.”

10. “Forgetting to stick to the homework routine. After relaxing on it a bit I realized that my son began making excuses again, so back to the routine we must go! Should never have relaxed – you told me this would happen, but some of us are slow learners!”

The best part about reading these messages is realizing that they DO have the skills and knowledge to get back on track. How empowering! How easy to make the quick change! How wonderful to feel refreshed again. What habits have YOU formed that need a little renewal?