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| Get your copy of the parenting skills ebook "Juggling Family Life" |
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Excerpt One |
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Family life can definitely be a juggling act. We are living in a world that is faster paced than when we were children and sometimes we can feel like we are hamsters running on exercise wheels. In addition to this faster pace we have children who need our attention and guidance so that they are able to deal with the complex world they live in today. Many parents are finding it increasingly difficult to juggle everything that needs to get done. At the same time parents know they need more balance in their lives but believe there are just not enough hours in a day to get things done AND have downtime.
Well, if this is how you have been feeling, let me assure you that you have picked up the right book. In here you will find a guide on how to accomplish all that you need to and still have time left over to spend with yourself, your partner and your children. This book is different than all the rest of the parenting books out there. You will not have to spend hours reading only to be left with a feeling that everything you need to do to in order to regain balance in your family's life is too overwhelming. After reading this book you will feel confident and empowered. Everything will seem possible because I teach you how to make it so. All that is mentioned is simple and efficient, yet totally effective.
Family dynamics have literally been of interest to me since I was a small child. I have always cared deeply about children, parents, and communities. My life’s path has directed me in a way that not only prepared me to write this book, but has made my life one that is blissful. It is through my years of working with children and families, as well as raising my own child that I have gained the wisdom I feel is so important to share. My vast experience as a teacher has allowed me to witness all sorts of family dynamics, and the ramifications, both good and bad, of certain parenting styles. I have helped many, many parents deal successfully with specific and general parenting problems, and most importantly, have been able to work with thousands, and I do mean thousands of children who showed me each and every day what they really needed and desired.
Through my experiences I became increasingly aware of three main areas that either made families work or not work: Discipline, Family time, and You time. These are three areas that I personally keep in mind on a daily basis and are what make my family life truly rewarding and fulfilling. As a teacher I gained the hearts of children and parents alike because I was able to make the year with me a truly meaningful one. The cards and letters I received each year made me aware that what I was intending on doing was being accomplished on a very deep level. I am thrilled to say that by using the same techniques as I did in the classroom I have managed to have an absolutely incredible family life. My relationship with my son is unbelievably precious. Having special moments with my husband is easy and fun, and, in addition to this, I am able to spend quality time with myself and my girlfriends, something so very important. How do I do this? The answers are in this book.
Different than other parenting books, I cut out all the theory and tell you what works and what doesn't. The book is sectioned into three parts because I feel there are three very important areas that need to be looked at when thinking of changing the dynamics of your family. The sections are positioned in a particular order for a simple reason: the first topic must be dealt with before the second and third can be achieved. Without discipline firmly established, the other two topics of "Family Traditions" and "You" will not easily be achievable, and in turn will have less impact on the all around dynamics of your family.
In the first section of the book I will explain four easy steps to discipline, and will have you so trained to use them that when you are ready to begin using the techniques with your children, the steps will come automatically to you. It is through all of my teaching experience that I was able to formulate a simple, yet truly effective way to discipline that leaves a child’s self-esteem in tact, and helps them learn many lessons at the same time. Once I formulated this system of discipline I was lucky enough to use it successfully with my students, the children I nannied, and now, my own child. In the second part of the book I will offer you suggestions as to some traditions you and your family can begin together, and help you find your own special ones too, so that a greater bond is established between all members of your family. Finally, in the last section, I will help you realize that by paying attention to your own personal needs and wants you will be able to feel whole, even within all the demands that come from being a parent. I will show you how to easily regain balance in your life and at the same time, model what a healthy lifestyle is to your children. If you put into practise the ideas I suggest in this book, I have no doubt that you will have the family life you have always desired.
There are two ways you can use this book. One way is to read through the whole book and then go back and focus on each section at a time. The second alternative is to read the first section and begin putting into action all the tricks I give you. After reading this section you might need three months of implementing the techniques before you move on to the second part. This is absolutely fine. Give yourself the time to feel confident using the techniques, and enough time to see real results in your children. Only then should you try adding the suggestions from the other two parts.
Alright, are you ready? Be prepared to see a huge transformation in your family. Being a great parent and having a happy family life is easier than you might think!
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Excerpt Two |
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We have all done and said things we wish we wouldn’t have. Now is the time to acknowledge those things, realize that, as Maya Angelou once said, "You were doing the best that you knew how, and now that you know better, you'll do better." Knowledge means everything when it comes to discipline. I am positive that after reading even this much of the book, you feel more confident about disciplining your child.
Below are typical words or actions which represent particular methods of discipline. I want you to put a check beside each statement that resonates with you. For example, it might be a belief you have about discipline, a technique you have used before, words you have said to your child, or reactions you have received from your child. After doing this exercise, read the instructions to clearly establish which method of parenting you have been using. If you have a spouse, have him/her do this exercise also. It is important for both of you to discover your current method. Both of you need to realize what hasn't been working so you can avoid repeating the same ineffective patterns. Remember, we want the two of you to be on the same track; consistency is of the utmost importance.
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1. You have to repeat your request several, if not more times ______
2. You use the words "wish", "shouldn't" or "would" (I wish you would stop doing that, It would be nice if you listened just once, I shouldn’t have to repeat myself a hundred times) ______
3. Your children tend to ignore or tune you out when you request something ______
4. You explain, lecture, give a speech to teach your rules ______
5. You often ignore bad behaviour in order not to cause a fight ______
6. You believe that consequences that upset your child cannot be effective______
7. You sometimes bribe your child so their behaviour stops ______
8. You often give a threat but don't follow through ______
9. You have high, almost perfectionist expectations for your children's behaviour ______
10. You tend to give your children little freedom _______
11. You use words like, "You’re such a brat", "Stop being such a jerk", "I don’t like your attitude" ______
12. You believe that it’s your job to control your children ______
13. You believe that children won’t respect your rules unless they fear you a little ______
14. You believe that children will cooperate when they understand that cooperation is the right thing to do ______
15. Your children often challenge your rules ______
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Now I want you to analyze your answers. If you checked off most of the statements between numbers 1-8 you have been using the Permissive Method of discipline. If you checked off most between numbers 9-15 you have been using the Punitive Method of discipline. If you checked off some from statements 1-8 and some from statements 9-15 you have been using the Mishmash Method.
Summary :
How does knowing the difference between parenting styles help you? The first step to having great discipline is recognizing what you are doing presently and understanding why it's not working for you. Once you know better you can quickly catch yourself when tempted to revert back to old patterns. For example, let's say you give a limited boundary to your child. Your child thinks it's unfair so he tries to begin an argument. If you were using the Permissive style, you might be tempted to engage in that argument by trying to support your decision with a number of reasons why it's a good decision. You then remember that this will not work. You know you would be spending a long time arguing and would be left feeling exhausted and frustrated. Therefore, you choose to use the Democratic method.
If you were using the Punitive method, you might be tempted to say, "Quit the attitude, or I'll just cancel the whole thing." You remember though, that this won’t get you anywhere. Your child would try to continue the argument and then you would probably say, "Okay, that’s it, forget the whole thing, go to your room, I'm finished talking." Your child would leave feeling resentful and revengeful and this is not what you are going for. Therefore, you stop the words from rolling off your tongue and you choose the Democratic method.
Having now realized your parenting patterns, get ready to change them to ones that will work and will make life for you and your family more enjoyable!
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Excerpt Three |
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Families today are stressed to the limit. Many Moms and Dads are both working, kids are going to school, racing to their next game, practise or lesson, bills are coming in, cleaning needs to get done, meals need to be made, etcetera, etcetera. The list could go on and on. In our society, we are finding more stressed out and depressed people, as well as more crime, and less safety on our streets. This paints a pretty bleak picture, doesn't it? I know. At times, I find myself getting overwhelmed with all that seems wrong. Although, when I really stop and think about these issues, I smile, because I know with every inch of my being that one thing could have a real impact on changing or at least greatly improving many of the problems mentioned above. I strongly believe that if we as parents took charge and said, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" and began implementing more time for family time and traditions, we, our children, and in turn our society would be much happier and safer.
Where do we even begin? You’re probably thinking, "I'm just trying to discipline effectively, and now you're saying I have to do more?" Actually, my answer to that is no, you actually have to start doing less. Here’s what I mean. Every May around Mother's Day, I ask my students to write in their journals. The topic is this: Give me advice on how to be a good mother. Think about whatever it is that your mother or guardian does for you that makes you feel happy and loved. The first time I did this, twelve years ago, I was shocked at how beautifully written these journal entries were. The classroom went silent immediately, and pencils wrote thoughtfully for longer than any other time they had written in their journals. The students cared about this topic whole-heartedly. They were happy as they remembered how they felt when their mothers made them feel loved. After this first time, I was no longer shocked, when every single year that followed, the classroom would fall silent and the writing would continue for that extended period of time. The best part of this assignment though, was when I would read their journals. I would sit at my desk after school sipping tea, and many times shedding a tear. There is a common theme among 99% of every single journal I have read over the past 12 years, and that is, that it is the small things that have the biggest impact.
I have included this chapter because I feel that without it, I would be missing a piece of the family puzzle. Without slowing down, doing small things for your children and creating family traditions that you regularly share, you cannot have the quality of family life that you’ve always dreamed.
Thank you for reading,
Erin
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| Please contact me , if you would like to attend a workshop, invite me as a speaker or wish to ask a question. |
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| About Erin Kurt |
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Erin Kurt has been an educator for over 15 years in four different countries and has been a nanny in yet another. From a young age Erin wanted to be a teacher. She always seemed to have a knack of reaching a self-conscious student, giving a voice to the quiet kid, and calming the child prone to outbursts. She has always had a soft spot for the underdog-anyone who felt misunderstood, anyone who needed a cheerleader and a little help from the sidelines. “As a teacher years later, Erin earned the reputation for being able to turn difficult children around. Over time, after seeing the change in their children, parents of these students began asking her for advice on how to solve some of their home issues.” While pregnant with her first child, Erin wanted to share her expertise in a more formal way; she resigned from her teaching position and wrote advice to the mothers and fathers she felt most needed her help. After writing what became a book, she created a series of workshops that teaches and trains parents how to implement the strategies she wrote about. Currently Erin is a mother, author, freelance writer on Parenting, Home and Family Issues, writes a weekly newsletter and offers teleseminars and live workshops based on the strategies in her book |
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